This is a poem about falling in love.

If I Could Find You - by me, 2003

I speak my mind to you
to tell you how I was confined inside my own life
until I realized what you knew

I was blind surrounded by these streamlined designs
that I'd opined not my type though that's undefined
and it's not right to undermine the unrefined
but there's no time to decide before you reach the divine

how I describe it... seeing through closed eyelids
a light shined bright enough to ignite my whole conscience
I sat on the Prime Meridian until my apocalypse
now that I've died I find that I could exist regardless

lines are defined by those whose
sight is with consequence,
and there's never lament in a nihilist...

but I feel like it's time for my own impropriety to desist
so I can arrive at kindness...

You're all that my life is.


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Untitled - by me, 2005

I've always had this troubled mind
as a side effect of seeing life
and doing what I can to make everything right
but I find that it's never quite enough
I never can quite live up
but I'll never stop caring
and I'll never quite give up

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This is a poem about being abused. I wrote it for a girl named Kelly.


Complex - by me

Embarrassing scenes
played out in my memories
Overwhelming urges
to act upon my feelings

reality sets in and
the timing's never right
and it's hard once you given up
to try to win a fight

part of you is taken,
but your being loses everything
You flee into a meadow....
unsettled and veliting

wishes for it to be simple
if sins were never sinful
and everything in venting
wind blew out the window

With the factual and natural
we'd rule out the positive
glimmers of hope
held inside our heart through our ardentness

but hardened by these dark afflictions
can't remember fact or fiction
can't tell the difference from
attacks at me through words and wisdom

the letdown is a fall out
that never happens gently
the letdown of the lies
is multiplied by our attesting

complexes are like paradoxes
Always provoking thoughts
An everlasting battle's
never won if ever fought

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My Philosophy - by me, 2004?

I read once what Cicero said
that to philosophize is to prepare for death
so what in art can still be left?
emotions that just live and die with breath?

These words are my life....
What are we doing here? Why do I write?
and who knows where to go and why?
It's all implied but not applied

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More Of My Philosophy - 2004?

It's rare to see people who can find me in my place.
Sometimes in attempts at seeing me I need my space.

Often it's ahead....
right past the intersection
where people meet and greet when they have no direction

When I'm moving I just laugh.... at the people I go past
Their minds are on one track
and the train ain't movin too fast

I have no need to accelerate
or travel at a different pace
Knowing where I'm going
is how I plan to win the race.

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Best Version (rough draft lol) - by me

You can't deny God without
denying your existence
our lives themselves are miniscule
glints to take for instance

a simple recognition
but enough to be vehement
that it should be enough
to denounce the Atheistic

I surmise in our own eyes
there’s just a lack of vision
and our own recognition
is where we’re most deficient

We’re aphotic from the fact that
our condition is afflictive
We forget sadistic men
put us into that position

So life's a vindictive prison
that we all have to live in
and sin's become a practice of everyone existent

and ignorance is blissful
disposition for the wicked
so we’re nescient to the fact that
our creator is omniscient



You can defy God
you can call it illegitimate
dismiss my acquisitive mind,
and contrive life's definition

let it buy your iniquitous soul
that you've disguised while you visit
while devising a way that
we can limit the infinite

.............................
I guess I don't really give a shit. :)


a little witticism
to end this new rendition.....
of my old composition
that I didn't really finish!

:)

Wonderfully Imperfect by me

I just wrote this in the last 20 minutes:

I've met you before
Even though this is the first time
I've memorized every word you'll say
before I've heard the first line

You fit a category
usually ignored
but I've traveled far away
and pioneered this territory

I've heard this story
Man and woman both living only for man's glory.
You're the reason that 1st Corinthians 11
is horribly offensive
but then you run away from affection
instead of negative attention

Did I mention...

You're the best gift God ever gave to the world
true loving compassion
came in the form of a girl

I guess it only makes sense
you not getting the credit
if I told you what you were
it'd make you big headed, and I'd regret it

you would cease to be
and so it's only right
that you be blind to what I see
and I'm alone at night



I know when you were just a little girl...
what he did to you
Now you're with a man who puts the same hate into you

and to fabricate peace, your mom
convinced you it was your fault
it's sad to see you follow the same path as a grown adult


remember as a little girl....
wanting to fly fly away
into a brave new world?
It seemed so great.


Well now that you're older,
that world is called your options
if you'd only ignore your insecure feelings
that are rotten

and quit trying to make up excuses to be positive
get the f#ck away from your life now....

You've got to live!


that piece of advice
is the greatest thing I've got to give
my love is only secondary
depending on how you measure it

but it still lives in my heart
and I treasure it
even though I feel pressure
like compressed air
and a void from the pleasure it
brings

I'm the Shakespeare lark that stands outside of your gate and sings
in a language you can't understand
and that's why it stings

but some day, it will all be worth it
when we'll be together,
wonderfully imperfect

I wrote this for a friend on the Mensa forum. She wanted to make a poem for her daughter, so she sent me a collection of memories and things she wanted to say about her. I put them together and made this:

Morgan - by me

pretty as the pictures on her bedroom walls
the loveliest thing to come from Idaho Falls!

sweet from day one
picking mom some flowers,
even though by then, you knew about her "evil powers" :)
Yet still, you were mommy's doctor
Feeding her food on the couch
and checking her thermometer

playing in the sun
trying to catch butterflies
a mini version of mom
with those beautiful green eyes

So very entertaining
with the things you're always thinkin'
like "God made the world"
but you "put the pink in!"

It's hard to understand
'til you get to be a parent,
how you're the best thing in life
that mommy gets to share with

A young lady Mensan
creative and inventive
such a big heart
open with no pretensions!

A lovely young talent
who knows what she's worth
how else could she make
and decorate her own purse?

Confident and modest
just the perfect balance
and never been one to back down from a robo-challenge

already skipping grades,
It's good you do the knowledge.
This year it's sixth grade,
next year you'll be in college!!

already like a woman
when you needed to feel glad
you went and got a manicure
you and your stepdad!

caught between a little girl
and a young adult
but don't be in a hurry
first, do everything you want!





I cut this bit out, even though I laughed as I wrote it:

There's one other thing
that we need to refute
You really are a princess
even if your brother called you a "newt"

That's just one of those things
that brothers tend to do
remind him how used to change him
back when he was two!

And newt's not that bad,
really, I'll tell you what...
You know what I used to call my sister?
Jabba the Hut!

A proposition for nobody:

Does he make you laugh?

Does he spark your true passion?

Does he even appreciate you in the first place?

I know why you live out of fear. You told me. I think it's beautiful.

Why can't you just have faith in what's REAL?

I love you more than any other person I have ever met. You practically killed me inside.

I know I am not being crazy but you are! Think about it please!!!

I miss you.



Whoever you are. :)


It's funny how over time people lose track of reality. I guess it's just not that important. Then again, what really is?

Your wise beliefs are indistinguishable from your arrogance.

Your insults come in the form of teaching and lessons.

Your superiority comes in the form of aid and charity.

Your tyranny comes in the form of witness.

Your apathy and neglect come in the form of discernment.

Your intolerance comes in the form of morality.

Your narcissism comes in the form of modesty.

Your propensity to judge comes from chastity.

Your pride comes from devotion.

Your anger comes from patience.

Your idleness comes from peace.

Your closed mind comes from faithfulness.


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Mat 7:15 "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.
Mat 7:16 You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
Mat 7:17 So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit.
Mat 7:18 A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit.

I've been around the block, and I still want to worship you
not scared to fit this incredibly unique idea of beautiful


every time I've tried to find it
I turn around and realize... not quite yet

sigh........... that's why I haven't tried yet

but I listen and I listen and I hush those around me
fantasizing that I could go back in time
so you can find me

just one more time, please.


I can't help but play this game
my connotations are so misconstrued
you'd swear they were the same

I wish I could explain

It's like a journey not embarked yet
A real savior comes through the shadows in the darkness


You're only going to get it out if you would get in
and me being the spark has never seemed to fit in


I'll always respond to you the same minute.
but how important really is the first initiative?


I'm frustrated by this fact that I need you
and the ones who get the message are always the wrong people.

I'll sleep soon.

Current Mood: annoyed

The Prideful Pastor by me

Talk at me and talk me down
that'll solve the problem
You're really playing games with me?
I think that you're a monster

so much bitterness
but I don't want to feel hate
I guess unlike yourself
I am one to communicate

You spoiled for me the tenderest moment of my life
I don't see how apologies could ever make that right.
I won't get a second chance
so I don't see why you should
I'd let the meek inherit the earth
but I don't know if you could

How could a man of God ever be so condescending?
Your lack of empathy just shows me that you're empty.

I could feel sickness flowing through you
...Do you really think that all of God's works are only through you?

The more I think about you
the more that I believe
that before you would covinct yourself
you'd point fingers at the weak.

Does it make you feel tall
to see the humble crawl?
No, mister prideful pastor
you're the one who "dropped the ball."

I prayed to God that moment
I'd be able to forget
I don't see how that's possible
unless we'd never met.

I know of only one way for me to get through
that's by knowing that the God you talk about is bigger than you.

The Cure For Care (AKA Matthew 6 / Luke 12)

Don't worry about food
Don't worry about clothes

Consider the ravens,
for they do not sow
or reap.
Yet God still allows them to feed
so don't worry about your life
like you won't eat.

don't worry about food
don't worry about clothes
look at how the lilies inside of the fields grow
They won't labor or spin
Yet Solomon
in all of his splendor
was never
dressed like one of them.

That's the way God clothes the grass
here today, tomorrow it will go to pass.
cast (into the fire)
how much more does he clothe you?
you of little faith
talking bout what he owes you

pagans run after earthly things
but your heavenly father knows every one of your needs
so don't concern yourself with what you eat or drink
seek treasures in heaven unapproached by thieves

seek God's kingdom in righteousness
and all will be recieved as his heavenly gifts.
you can add to your life if you think of this.
but you won't add a minute with fear and cowardice.

Where there's real treasure,
The heart will be also
The soul has blessings stored for years to come, so

eat, drink, be merry.
enjoy yourself

forget about tomorrow
let tomorrow worry about itself

It's been fascinating for me to see how my writing began and still exists as a lot of double-entendre with my two main topics... my relationship with God and my relationship with women. These two things are constantly fighting for creative control in my mind and they both end up on paper. They are the two things I have always held the most sacred in my heart (and they are the hardest to talk about), so I write about them the most. The fascinating thing about it is you might never know the difference between what you think you are reading about and what I am really thinking about. That being said, hopefully this poem isn't too blurry. ;-)

[Honestly, I'm really just glad to have made it through this one without a problem.]


Doubts About Us by me Feb 24, 2008


If I'm going to care for thee,
when they try to make it not true
then why won't you just care for me?
what choice have I got, you?

I just can't help it
this caring
I don't think I'm selfish
especially when I'm sharing

I'm tired of suffering endlessly every day
feeling helpless in a selfishly made game

I'm breaking in a delicately made frame

I can't handle this stress
from my family, my friends
my career, my ends
I'm breaking cuz I'm bent

you created our life so it runs on just money
I'm so desperate for it that I'll just kill somebody

how else could I survive?
And why the fuck do I have to die to be kind?




I'm so thirsty for our passion,
trying to be patient
but I feel like this corpse that died from dehydration

I swear I've given up now
but I keep praying
until I am parched
from these prayers that I'm saying

I'm trying to withstand the hate
that it makes me feel for you
it makes me hate myself
I'm embarrassed to be real with you

this is all your fault
in all of my logic
you're either false or wrong
that's two choices now pick

Current Mood: curious

I always believed that true love never gets possessive
and God uses people in our lives to teach lessons

I'm not afraid now about the chance of rejection
This letter to you is really just my own introspection

I understand that with this, our friendship might soon end
It's alright because God's been even greater than what you've meant



There IS a difference between loving someone and IN love
I've looked back on my track record asking myself which one...

applied to each time I've been in my relationships
I know I loved them all.......... but I was never really IN!

This answer "no" is what my heart has told me.
And that's why our passion had always died off slowly.

The longer I waited to break it, the worse I had made it.
But the thought of being wrong about us made me frustrated.

My heart always whispered that we weren't quite compatible.
Not like the way I know that I'd always have romance with you.

And now I see the importance of being God-centered.
Something that in the past my maturity level hindered.

Getting you to see it all is a challenge bigger than opticals
I know now that I may never get past that obstacle.

I'm not saying a future is not plausible...
just that God sent you to my past just to show me what was possible.

I know that love is not centered around what's logical
and if we need a change, then today's way has gotta go.

Some crazy things patiently thought up in my hospital...
but I wrote this from my heart because I thought that you oughta know.

I'm jumping off the cliff right now just to test the ropes
but you've blessed me to the point that you've resurrected hope.


I love you like Christ... I would give you my life.
God bless the broken road you take to becoming someone's wife.